Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Tentacle Luuuuv: Chapter 2

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At the tavern, the motley crew that was Flayer's band sang through another set. Actually, they just sat at a table, but the phrase "Flayer's Band" really does sound like a heavy metal group or something.

At any rate, Lomilyth had cheered up quite a bit. This was common with elvish psychos who walked around with invisible, double-bladed, double-headed axes. Djaro was sitting on a couple of cushions and grinning broadly at the waitress (Djaro seemed to prefer the company of the ladies). Flayer was sitting more or less non-sullenly in the corner, its long fingers occasionally disappearing from sight and returning with a curiously gray morsel. Edwarde and Rugar sat huddled in another corner discussing the situation.

"You've got to tell him! Uhhh…it is a him right, or do you prefer…"

"It him."

"What? The barkeep? He's kind of fat don'tcha think?"

"Not barkeep, just humorous orcish manner of speech."

"Oh, right. Well, you've got to proclaim your luuuv!"

"Me scared."

"As are all lovers. The fear of rejection is what can stop your luuuuv, but tis better to have luuuuved and lost then to have never…"

"Me not scared that way, me scared of dying."

At this point Edwarde stopped and looked confused. It's difficult to appear confused when you don't have any facial features (ones that change at any rate), but Edwarde managed.

"Oh…well…just who is this we're talking about again?"

Rugar paused and then turned slowly and gazed at Lomilyth with such care, such luuuuuv, that there could be no doubt as to the object of her affection.


Just then Lomilyth turned and grinned in their direction. One of his pupils was alternately dilating and constricting.

"Do you think any more of these yokels are going to try coming on to me?"

Flayer perked up.

"It would be regrettable, but I do have to say that they are quite…tender."

"NO! And don't kill anyone else!"

Edwarde tried to sound authoritative, but his mind was really elsewhere.

Lomilyth looked sullen and went off in search of a drink.

In the mean time, Djaro was hitting on passing women.

"Hey baby, I may be a Halfling, but I go all the way!"

"Once you go hobbit, you won't want to go back."

"At least with me you don't have to worry about getting knocked up."

But the local clientele were not receptive.

"Stay away from me, freak!"

Djaro, who managed to stay upbeat under most circumstances, was not put off.

"They're just playing hard to get."

In the mean time, Edwarde and Rugar continued their conference.

"You know, I'm a big fan of luuuuv, but maybe you should reconsider in this case."

"How can me?! Those eyes…"

"That cross and uncross…"

"That voice…"

"Which is often screaming obscenities and 'Die!!!!'"

"Those kind, gentle hands…"

"That are usually gripping a large axe!"

"So you see it too?"

"I see something…"

At that moment, Lomilyth came back with a large mug of ale. He sat down, took a swig and burped.

"This ale sucks."

He took another large swig.

"So…Lomilyth: what you feel like doing after this?"

"Passing out."


"And after that?"

"Being sick."

(Swig, burp)

"And after that?"

"Killing everyone in this godforsaken village."

(Swig, scratch, scratch, scratch)

"You think you need any help with any of this?"

"Nah, the villagers in this dump barely even fight back."

Rugar looked dejected.

"Perhaps Rugar could keep you company, you know, just for…company's sake?"

"Yeah whatever."

(Swig, burp)

Rugar brightened up noticeably.

Like two bottles of nitroglycerin next to each other in a burning house, Rugar's happiness triggered a mood swing in Lomilyth. As he saw her bright smile, it spread to his face as well. And seeing his smile made Rugar's smile even…smilier.

This display of happiness was rather unsettling to those nearby, some of whom had heard of their fellow citizen's recent demise. Looking at the slim, red haired picture of androgynous beauty, it was hard to believe that he was such a psycho. But when you saw the smile things all fell into place.

Lomilyth jumped to his feet.

"Yes! Me and my bud Rugar are going for a night on the town!"

He threw up his arms wildly, knocking over nearby bowls and mugs. If it were possible, the nearby tavern patrons cowered even more.

Rugar, on the other hand, was ecstatic. Lomilyth ran babbling out the door with Rugar lumbering after him.

"Oi…do you think he will kill anyone?"

"Meh, I already have something to eat."

That last interjection had come from Flayer who, at least, had the good manners to chew his food. He reached down to his hidden bucket-o-brains and gathered up another morsel. Checking to see that no one was watching, he held it up to the collar of his robe. A tentacle snaked out and grabbed. There was the sound of more chewing.

"Maybe now that he's gone I can scare me up some action."

Djaro waggled her eyebrows and sauntered up to the bar.

It was times like this that Edwarde wished he could sleep. Since he was undead, however, he did not require such rest. Sighing, he took out another of his romance novels (where do they come from when he's not reading them? I mean, Lomilyth's axe is one thing, but you want books to be ones that you haven't read too much. Well, actually there are some books that I like to read over and over, but for the most part…)

Edwarde began reading his book.

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