Evening - Page 11

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So Herb is sitting there looking scared and staring after Xema when he turns to me and is all like

"Do ya think ell be urt?"

"What? Uncle Astrathoth?"

Herb looks all confused and says

"Whot, you know em?"

"He's my uncle."

"Your uncles es a giant slime?"

"Well duh!"

Herb looks at me for a second as if he just noticed that I'm a slime. Hello? I mean like puh-leaze!

"What does ee do when ees not eatin people then?"

"I think he's into stamps and stuff."

"Doisent ee have a woif?"

I rolled my eye-stalk. It's times like this where I wish I like, had another eyestalk on hand to roll too.

"Well, he's like, a slime so he'll never have a wife."

Herb went all emo for a second and then said

"Sounds lonely."

I was about to cut in with another snapping reply, but I sorta stopped to think about that one. In the distance I could hear screams, the occasional "ouch!" from uncle A, and every now and then a "Wooohooo!" from Xema.

"I suppose so."

We walked back over to the altar where W3 was standing with her arms crossed. She ignored us and muttered under her breath. We looked at some stone carvings. It was weird, ya know? I mean like I felt like Herb and I were actually communicating and stuff.

"Well, if one of us feels lonely we can, like, divide in two and talk to ourselves."

"Oh how handee."

"You guys can't?"

"Noi."

"Sounds lonely."

And we just stared at each other. His two watery eyes and my one blood-shot stalk. The flames in the background made his face glow, what with the flickers from people running around. And then he closed his eyes and tried to kiss me! Gross!

"Ow!"

"Oh, watch the slime man! That stuff will burn you!"

"Mph-burned-mph-mouth!"

Herb was holding his mouth with both hands and jumping up and down. I swear he was crying. And then Xema drove poor uncle Astrathoth back into the altar area and then into the pit.

Ole Ms. McSacrifice is turning another shade of green and glaring down the pit.

"You get out here and eat more students!"

"I'm not coming back out while she's there!"

"Get out here right now!"

"You can't make me!"

And Xema is practically frothing at the mouth and her eyes are all scary looking and she's like

"Yeah! Come on out and get some! Whiiiiimp!"

So just then the rest of the class comes shuffling back into the room and they're all like "Yay Xema! Our Heroine!" It must have been like the only time in her life that people were not running from her and screaming. The expression on her face was all, like, shock and stuff, but after a while she started smiling.

Then she notices Herb and me and she like stomp/stalks over to us and grabs one of his hands. She looks like she's about to start some more shit when W3 finally stops sulking.

"That was very...good of you Xema."

Before the class could start cheering again she's all like.

"But we have to be going now! Everyone line up outside!"

Why do we have to use that stupid giant broomstick anyhow?

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