Evening - Page 5

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So, like, today we were supposed to dissect a pig in W3's class today. "W3" is shorthand for "Wicked Witch of the West" that this totally weird-ass teacher insists on calling herself.

She is, like, a complete freak! She's always wearing this dumpy, black dress with this weird, wide-brimmed hat and she wears like this totally vomit colored makeup on her face. She never answers a question without screeching and she's always babbling on about how she'll "get you and your little dog too!"

Incidentally, I am not vomit green I'm more of a festive lime. Just so you know.

To add to the whole weirdness, I was paired up with Herbert, Xema's boyfriend. Xema is also a total freak because she seemed to think that I was going to like take her boyfriend! I'm like "Hello! Wrong species here!" I mean we're not even like the same Kingdom, so where does she come off with her whole attitude?

Mind you, I see why she likes him: unlike most of the other boys Herbert is a nice pasty white, and he seems slimier than most of the other guys. Even so, it's still so, like, eeeeeew!

Herbert, on the other pseudo-pod, was fairly nice. I mean, if it were mean I would be happy just to get away from that hellfiend for five minutes. I mean I've known some fairly nice hell spawn in my time, especially those dudes from Yugoslavia or Yucatan or Yoggoth or something. I mean for fungus, they have total style.

Anyway, Herbert was totally deferring to my superior skill in lab matters. He kept saying things like "ah don't wanna touch that." and "Why donchu take care of this bit?" I also caught him staring at me which I totally understand since that day I had enough time to put some bits in the protoplasm. I think that may be why Xema is so jealous. She wishes she had my cilia.

The other students in the class are complete putzs. They were all like "shouldn't these things be dead?" and "aren't we gonna get blood on everything?" But W3 just kept doing this long, drawn-out screeching laugh whenever anyone complained. Except for these two freak kids who are like, brother and sister, but they totally like, insist on doing everything together!

When they spoke up, W3 took a hard look at them and then said they could clean out her cabinets instead. So Hamster and Grendal went up to the head of the class and got in the thing, which if you asked me looks pretty weird for a cabinet, what with all the dials and stuff on the top of it, and started working. Then W3 slams closed the door and let's rip with another total freak laugh.

Teacher's pets.

One nice thing about the whole situation was that, at the end of class, I got to eat all the pigs! I think that made Xema more jealous because right after the bell rings she comes storming up, grabs Herbert, who says "Nice to have met you Yaaaaoooog!" as she's dragging him off. I was right in the middle of eating a pig or I would have said something. I swear that girl is just jealous of me.

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