Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Evening - Page 7

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"Bend your knees this time!" shouted Dr. Finkelsteen, the teacher for Alchemy. The other teachers burst into laughter, chortling and slapping the man on the back.

Down on the field, Phew, a first year student from some backwater, dove wildly to the left, barely avoiding a cut from a large thug of a barbarian. Some chap named Pippin or some such was groveling before another warrior, begging for his life.

"Die Wizard!"


Watching all this I turned to Mr. Makekithart, our Phys-Ed teacher.

"Are you sure that wasn't like, you know, a foul or something?"

Makekithart looked at me with, like, this weird grin on his face and a look in his eye and said: "Whaaa?"

Herbert, a look of abject terror on his face, was clutching Xema with a death grip as he watched the players on the field.


"But the ball's that way!"

"Ball? What babble is this, mage?"

I was standing on the sidelines with the rest of my terrorized classmates as the rest of our class was variously beaten, pummeled or eviscerated. The teachers had been like all pumped about the annual football game between Heartworms and Barb-U (that's short for Barbarian University), but this really sucked.

"Isn't there supposed to be like a referee or something?" I asked Mr. Makekithart. He just laughed until his big fat face turned red and he yelled up to the stands where the other teachers were.

"One of the students (bwahahaha!) wants to know where the (gasp, wheeze) referees are! Haw! Haw! Haw!"

All the twits up in the stands started laughing and doubling over again. Over all hilarity the shrill voice of W3 came in with an ear-splitting cackle.

"Why don't you send her into the game to find them! Heeeehehehehehaw!"

The other teachers were like, giving her high-fives and stuff. Mr. Makekithart also seemed to think this was a great idea. The other students on the sidelines were also enthused about it. No pressure.

"You go out there and make us proud!"

I looked around at the rest of the students who seemed to have grabbed onto this idea like their lives depended on it.

"But…but I'll get my ectoplasm dirty!"

Without touching me, Makekithart was trying to urge me onto the field.

"Oh don't be such a baby!"

The sideline seemed like the edge of a cliff.

"But I don't know how to play!"

"You'll figured it out soon enough, now off you go!"

Mr. Makekithart turned and ran like there was a barbarian chasing after him. I turned my eye-stalk and saw that indeed there was a large barbarian heading right towards me.

"Die hellspawn!"

The big lug raised a sword and drove it through my cell wall. It stuck in the ground and started dissolving.

"My…my sword! You shall pay for this fiend!"

"Why? How much was it?"

"Do not attempt to escape from my wrath by bewitching me!"

The guy dove at me and let me tell you, he had some serious body odor. The idiot managed to jam his face right into a vacuole filled with my, like, digestive enzymes. Before I could do anything, he screamed, jumped up and ran away.

Further on down the field was a classmate who had seen better days.

"Help me! Help me!"

"I'll be right there!" I called reassuringly as I oozed in his direction.


I totally couldn't figure out what he was babbling about: I hadn't seen anyone on either team eat anyone else, but before I could reach him a gang of barbarians, probably the friends of that other twerp can running up towards me.

"That's the one that ate Gonad's face! Kill it!"

There were more yells of "Dieeee!" and other stupid stuff, but one benefit of being a spawn of the oldie ones is knowing how to put upstart mammals in their place.

+0+4L p0wn4ge!

The ground under them erupted in fire. They ran off screaming like little girls. Jerks.

The kid I had been trying to help had managed to crawl off to the sidelines, while those pussy barbarians seemed to encourage the rest of their gang to head for the hills.

All the kids on the sidelines were really like "You go slime!" and "Who bad? We bad!" and stuff, though the teachers didn't seem as in to it. I swear they looked disappointed.

My class tried to carry me around on their shoulders, but I tended to ooze through them, so they just settled on cheering for me. Except Xema. She had wanted to play.

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1 comment:

Tanis said...

this made me laugh :) I appreciate the use of pwn4ge... it was wonderful.
thanks, whatever 8D