I published a new book in my Puppet series - Puppet: Soldier. You can download from smashwords here:
You can visit my author page here:
The picture is by Don Solo. You can find more of his work here:
Drinks all around :-)
Showing posts with label Short Stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Short Stories. Show all posts
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Puppet: Soldier!
I published a new book in my Puppet series - Puppet: Soldier. You can download from smashwords here:
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Puppet: Defender!
Yes after endless nanoseconds of waiting the sequel to the incredible Puppet is finally here! You can pick up a copy of this free book at smashwords:
You can also visit my author page here
https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/what0607
Note the amazing cover image by Noah Katz. You can find more of his work at
Friday, July 16, 2010
You better not pout...you better not cry...
My latest story is a spoof of the movie "Twilight" and the "Harry Potter" series. It is called "Evening" and I will be trying to add two pages a week to it. To check it out follow this link to the main story page.
A while back I had asked the mighty artist Ozark (of "Mind Flayed" fame) to create an image of Palpatine as "Grandpa Sith" in the story "Deathtalker 2." Just recently, I received this picture:
Many thanks to Ozark for the picture!
Stuff that is already up:
A while back I had asked the mighty artist Ozark (of "Mind Flayed" fame) to create an image of Palpatine as "Grandpa Sith" in the story "Deathtalker 2." Just recently, I received this picture:
Many thanks to Ozark for the picture!
Stuff that is already up:
- Deathtalker - set in the Star Wars universe around the time of "Attack of the Clones," Anakin is the chosen one. But what was he chosen to do exactly? Anakin & company must discover the answer before the Emperor does
- Deathtalker 2 - continuation of the story from Deathtalker. With the Emperor defeated, the threat to the Galactic Republic is over. So why is Anakin acting as if his job has just started? What is the function of the Deathtalker? Who the hell is Grandpa Sith?
- Tentacle Luuuuv - Rugar loves Lomilyth. Lomilyth loves Edwarde. And Edwarde, of course, loves Rugar. Just to make things more interesting, Rugar is a half-orc, Lomilyth is a psychotic girly-elf, and Edwarde is an undead wizard. A story set in the universe of the web comic "Mind Flayed".
- Groupthink: the Lighter Side an emerging telepathic group consciousness called the Coalition is born...in a prison for murderers and psychos. Does humanity have a future in a world run by a psychotic super-mind?
-
Evening Yog-Slothoth is poor, eeeenocent little puddle of greenish slime who just transferred to Heartworms, the premier school for magic. Can he (or is it she?) become popular among the students and survive to graduate?
A spoof of several movies including Twilight, Harry Potter. and the works of H.P. Lovecraft.
- Dark Age - a massive field of asteroids is going to obliterate life on Earth...in about 500 years. But a quirky group of world savers are on the job! Assuming their ship doesn't blow up...and they don't get bored during the trip...
- Groupthink: the Beast - the companion story to Groupthink: the Lighter Side. An emerging telepathic group consciousness threatens to obliterate humanity. Can it be stopped before it's too late?
- Ship of Fools! A dysfunctional group of "heroes" that encounter an artifact in hyperspace. The artifact is opened. It unleashes a plague. The plague turns people into zombies. Never fear The Force is ... out there somewhere.
- Dark City. Five people discover that reality as we
know it is a lie and that the world is in terrible danger. From within, the
nefarious Technocracy plots to seize ultimate control while from outside super-
natural entities gather their armies, bent on the extinction of Humanity. Can these
newly "awakened" hope to save the world?
A story set in the universe of the White Wolf game Mage: the Ascension.
- Shattered Lands In a dark world akin to Lord of the Rings, the forces of light were defeated thousands of years ago. In the present day, a small group of heroes fight for the survival of the last bastion of good.
- Yog-Slothoth: In a quest for ultimate power, a wizard transforms himself into the being of ultimate magical power: which turns out to be a puddle of acidic slime. Just his luck to meet the girl of his dreams during a mid-life crisis.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Tentacle Luuuuv: Chapter 5
Previous Chapter | Contents | Next Chapter
I long for your embrace, oh fair one,
that I might bask in the sun of your luuuuv.
Every moment without you is like an eternity.
Every smile is the kiss of bliss.
"That was really bad."
Edwarde glared at Lomilyth.
"You're supposed to be impressed that anyone likes you at all!"
"Some chick really said that?"
"Well, ummm, according to this note."
"Let me see that!"
Realizing that the elf would recognize his writing, Edwarde quickly used his amazing magical powaaars.
"What the?!"
The note had burst info flames before the elf could get a good look at it.
"Oh imagine that."
"That was weird…"
"Yeah well, notes burst into flames all the time."
"Really?"
Lomilyth was staring at him.
"Yeah, classic case of…note busting into flames"
Edwarde sort of trailed off.
"OK!"
Lomilyth made as if to run off.
"Hey! Don't you want to write a note or something for me to take back?"
"Hmmm…Tell her that I love her and that I want to do her!"
"What?!!"
The elf cocked his head to the side.
"Pretty good eh?"
"And you said my poem was bad…"
"That was your poem?"
"I mean the princess's poem!"
"She's a princess?!!"
"Ummm…yeah."
"Cool! Maybe I can get some money off of her too!"
Lomilyth ran off
"Happy! Happy! Joy! Joy!"
"This is just not working…"
* * * * *
"So? What he say?"
"Someone set up us the bomb."
"No change subject!"
Edwarde had come back to the inn where Rugar was waiting. She was wringing her hands and fretting.
The lich realized that the truth wouldn't do at all.
"He, uh, liked it!"
Rugar beamed.
"So what he say?"
"What do you mean?"
"What he say in response to poem?"
"Oh…er…"
Edwarde couldn't sweat, but not for lack of a reason to.
"He said."
How I too long for your luuuuv
Would that we could meet in the moonlight and fly to the Casbaaa
And avoid gnomes
Rugar looked puzzled, but not unpleased.
"Why he say that bit about gnomes?"
"Maybe he's jealous."
"But me no like gnomes!"
"Well…maybe he's afraid that you'll start."
Rugar shrugged and made as if to go.
"Me go get nukkie now."
"What?!!"
"Well, he said he…"
"Doesn't anyone here have a romantic bone in their body?!!"
Flayer, who had been sitting in a corner staring at his spoon looked up.
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh, nothing…"
"Why me not get nookie?"
Edwarde elbowed her in the ribs. Flayer looked confused.
"Oh, it's silly mating rituals."
Flayer went back to staring at his spoon.
Edwarde dropped his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"He doesn't know it's you yet."
Rugar looked disappointed.
"That mean we have to do silly note business again?"
"Yes!"
Fortunately, Rugar didn't notice Edwarde's grin. Of course, Edwarde's grin didn't look especially different from his other expressions…
Rugar sat back down again.
"Well…Rugar thinking about poems while Edwarde away…"
* * * * *
…
And then put your head on a stick!
Edwarde finished his stanza and glared at the elf.
Lomilyth considered the poem.
"She really said that?"
"Yes."
"My kind of girl!"
"This is like a bad dream…or story."
"Eh?"
"Oh nothing. Is there anything you want me to take back to her?"
"Yeah! Let's ditch this whole poem crap and get down!"
"Righto"
Later that day, Rugar found Edwarde crying into a mug of beer at the tavern.
"You drinking, Edwarde?"
The lich looked up. His eyes were red. Of course they were normally red…
"No, not really. It's just the only way that creep would leave me alone."
"What creep?"
"At the bar."
Rugar looked over, but he couldn't see anyone.
"Rugar no see anyone!"
"He's kind of short."
Rugar walked up to the bar and looked over it – straight into the malevolent eyes of the meanest gnome she'd ever seen.
"What do you want to drink – and it better not be water!"
"Ummm…Rugar have a root beer."
The half-orc walked back to Edwarde's table. While she had been away, the lich had started crying again.
"What wrong?"
"Oh, everything just seems so hopeless!"
"You sure you not drinking?"
"Yes – I can't actually drink anything."
Rugar considered this, and then took Edwarde's drink.
"Also, how you crying?"
"Well, I just sort of put my hands over my eyes and make crying noises."
"Hmm"
Rugar considered this as she downed Edwarde's drink in one swallow.
"Rugar, you can't hook up Lomilyth! He's a total jerk."
"Why you say that?"
"Because what do you want?!"
The gnome bartender was back with Rugar's drink.
"Here you go, ya slob."
"Great, now take a hike!"
"That's 2cp."
"You are really pushing it…"
Edwarde rummaged around in his robes.
"Can you make change?"
"No, but I can keep it."
Edwarde flipped the small humanoid a silver piece. The little man waddled off.
"You're welcome (little creep)."
"Up yours bony."
"You in bad mood."
Rugar had downed the root beer in one swallow.
"Maybe there's something to this whole evil business after all…"
"What you say?"
"Someone set up us…stop that!"
Rugar looked disappointed, but nonetheless stopped trying the tired gag.
"What was I saying?"
"You talking about Rugar and Lomi should be together."
"No I wasn't! I was talking about how you and Lomilyth should not get together! What are you trying to do, put words in my mouth?"
"It worth try."
"You deserve someone better Rugar!"
"Like who?"
"It's you!"
Just then, Lomilyth burst into the tavern and leapt about triumphantly.
"What you say?"
"Some one…aaaargh!"
"I knew someone else had to be writing those poems!"
Rugar stood up abruptly, knocking over the table. The noise of the ruckus had brought the attention of the barkeep/gnome.
"Hey! You broke my plates!"
"Shut up gnome!"
"Oh yeah?"
The gnome hefted a two-handed mace, one so large that it seemed impossible for him to wield without falling over, and rushed towards the half-orc and the lich.
"Who's short now?!!!"
"Fore!"
In a flash, Lomilyth had gotten out her (whack! make that his) axe and sent the gnome flying…in two pieces…
Edwarde was horrified.
"Another life taken! Still, if it had to be someone…"
"Let this act be a token of my luuuuv!"
"Oh Lomi! You no have to do that for Rugar!"
The half-orc rushed to take up the effeminate elf in one of his bear hug embraces; but he managed to duck under it.
"No you oaf! I meant Edwarde!"
"What?!! Get away from me you freak!"
"Oh sweety…you know I like it when you're so…feisty!"
"But Rugar love you! Edwarde stole Rugar's Mr. Right! Or at least Mr. Right-now…"
Edwarde's face, a mask of horror to begin with, looked even more horrified. An achievement to be sure…
"But I don't love you!"
The lich protested.
"No relationship is perfect…"
"And besides, I luuuuv Rugar!"
"That hussy!"
Lomilyth frowned.
"Is it my imagination, or did he spell that word differently when he talked about you?"
"Eeeeew! Rugar not interested in necro-feeling-whatever! Rugar stick with living critters…like Lomilyth!"
"Edwarde!"
"Rugar!"
The three of them started running in a vicious circle, each chasing their star-crossed luuuuv.
"Lomilyth!"
"Edwarde!"
"Rugar!"
Rugar was calling the elf's name and running after him. Lomilyth, in turn, was yelling Edwarde's name and running after the Lich. Edwarde, in turn, was breathlessly crying out for Rugar and chasing after her. Taken together, the three of them looked like a collection of Irish Setters.
"What the hell is going on?!!"
This statement had been made by Flayer, who was surveying the mess with his arms crossed.
"Huh?" Said the Lich.
"Wha?" Said the elf.
"Huh?" Said the half-orc.
"Hey, I called 'huh' first."
"Oh…how about Wha?"
"That's taken too!" Snapped the elf.
"Oh…you soooo cute when you annoyed. Rugar just wanna gives you beeeeeeg huuuuug!"
Rugar ran towards Lomilyth.
"Eeek! Edwarde! Save me!"
"Oh I'll save Rugar…for myself!"
The three of them continued chasing each other.
"What the hell is going on?"
Djaro had poked her head in and was staring curiously at the three scurrying party members.
"That's what I said."
"What did they say?"
"And I said it first?"
"They said 'I said it first?'"
"No, I said…oh never mind…"
"Lomiiiii!"
"Edwardeeeeee!"
"Ruuuuuugar!"
Djaro stared owlishly at the three of them.
"You know…people don't do that in real life…only in comics, bad harlequin romance novels, and lame short stories."
Djaro and Flayer considered this in silence.
"Do you remember what I was thinking when you read my mind that first time?"
Then Djaro smiled at Flayer. Savoring each word, she reminded him:
"Raw…uncensored…tentacle sex!"
"ACK!!! Get away from me!"
In his panic, Flayer had managed to run into a corner.
"Luuuuuuv is in the air baybeee! Give in to it!"
As Djaro closed in for the kill, the other party members being occupied in their various pursuits, Flayer lashed out with his mind – rending the very fabric of thoughtspace in his desire to stop the pint sized humanoid.
ZAAAAAP!
A blast of pure thought slammed into Djaro, Rugar, Edwarde and Lomilyth, stunning them into mute, empty-headed staring. Lomilyth didn't look much different.
"Wow…I've finally developed my Mind Blast ability! And not a moment too soon – talk about deus ex machina…"
* * * * *
Rugar was following Djaro…who was following Lomilyth…who was following Edwarde…who was following Flayer. Rugar didn't remember when they had started walking, in fact, she didn't remember much of anything at all. All in all, she felt like she had just woken up.
Rugar poked at Djaro.
"Hey, where we going? Hey!"
Djaro stopped and looked at Rugar. She had the look of a Halfling with a bad hangover.
"Leave me alone, I have a bad hangover."
"Djaro remember getting drunk?"
"No, that's what makes it bad."
Rugar considered this.
"Djaro know where we going?"
"Course I do!"
"Where?"
"C'mon, we're falling behind."
Djaro dashed off after Lomilyth, or rather she tried. With each step came a muffled "Ow!" After a few strides, she had to be content with walking quickly. Never the less, the two of them caught up to the others fairly quickly.
"Hey! Where we going?"
Lomilyth, whose eyes were especially bloodshot, turned towards them.
"Whaaaa?"
"Where we going?!!"
"Shhhh! I got a bad hangover."
Rugar couldn't help noticing that the elf's hair, normally full of shine and body, as if from one of those shampoo commercials, or perhaps from a "Pantene" billboards or sign that you see on the sides of buses or maybe bus-stops, which nonetheless if actually subjected to one of these fine, hair-care products would probably dissolve, looked frazzled.
Lomilyth turned back towards Edwarde.
"But where we going?"
"Down this road stupid."
"But where road go?"
"I dunno, I'm just following Edwarde."
The three of them stumbled after said Lich, who was following Flayer.
"Hey Edwarde, where we going?"
The skeletal figure slowly turned towards them. His glowing red eyes seemed redder than usual.
"Whaaaa?"
"Where we going?"
"I…I was just reading my novel."
The lich held up a tattered book, that he had been reading or at least looking at. Upside down.
The four of them turned and variously walked, stumbled and limped after the Mind Flayer.
"Hey Flayer! Where we going?"
Unlike the rest of them, Flayer seemed alert and aware.
"What?"
"Where are we going?"
"Down this road, fool!"
"Yeah, but where road go?"
"Well according to this sign, it goes to a small and yet rustic town, about 3 miles from here."
The others looked at the nearby sign. Flayer resumed walking down the road.
"I knew that." Said the Lich.
"Me too."
"Same here."
"Whatever."
Lomilyth started walking again, the others followed.
"Rugar have this feeling, like he forgot something important…"
"Couldn't have been that important if you forgot it."
Quipped Djaro.
"Hey Flayer, where'd you get that bucket of brains?"
"Oh, I just found it on the side of the road…mmmm…gnome brains!"
"What? Oh nothing…"
The Mind Flayer quickened his pace. Edwarde struggled to keep up. The other two shrugged almost simultaneously and followed.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Tentacle Luuuuv: Chapter 3
Previous Chapter | Contents | Next
"Well? Did you tell him?""No."
"Why not?"
Edwarde was talking to Rugar in the tavern's common room the next morning about the "night on the town" that Lomilyth had taken her on the previous night. Flayer was also up, but he or whatever had gone off into a corner muttering something about "practicing." All the Mind Flayer seemed to be doing was staring a spoon on the table.
"Well, ummm….he been…distracted."
"Distracted how?"
Rugar glanced at the Lich in a worried fashion.
"Umm….never mind."
"Tell me!"
"You get upset."
"No I wont."
"You always get upset when Lomilyth kill someone!"
"He killed someone!"
"No! He just…how you say? Cut someone?"
"Oh. That's not so bad."
"On the hand."
"That's not bad at all."
"So much that hand fall off."
"Oh my."
"But person still alive!"
Edwarde sighed heavily. Once, a long time ago, he had spent a great deal of time practicing sighs, coughs, sneezes, and other activities having to do with breathing. Most people didn't have to do this, but then, most people had lungs.
"So he was distracted by the person whose hand he cut off?"
"Not exactly."
"Then how was he distracted?"
"Him kept waving hand."
"Lomilyth was distracted by waving his hand around."
"Yes."
"That's weird."
Just then Lomilyth barged into the room in his typical manic style.
"HELLO EVERYONE! GOOD MORNING!"
Edwarde glanced at the elf and did a double take. Even Flayer seemed surprised.
"Lomilyth, what's that?"
Flayer was pointing at one of the elf's hands. Lomilyth seemed to have an extra one. It was clearly not an elf hand.
"Oh this? After I bought some guy a drink last night, he offered to 'lend me a hand' so I took him up on the offer!"
The elf grinned insanely and waved the detached limb about.
"Isn't it cool?!"
"HA! HA! HA!"
Lomilyth looked over at Rugar, who was putting on a show of enjoying the elf's jest.
"YOU SO FUNNY LOMI!"
Flayer and Edwarde gazed at the orc in silent disbelief. Meanwhile Lomilyth tossed the adoring half-orc the hand.
"Why thank you! Here: you could use a hand yourself!"
Lomilyth bounded out of the room, in search of whatever passed for entertainment in his mad, crazed mind.
"Give me that!"
"No! Lomilyth gave it to me!"
Rugar had his eyes closed and was stroking his own cheek lovingly with the disembodied hand.
"I've got to try and get that back to…to whosever hand it is!"
"No! Is mine!"
Flayer regarded the two for a moment, shrugged, and went back to staring at his spoon.
* * * * *
"Me can't tell him"
Rugar was bemoaning her fate to Edwarde, who in a rather grumpy mood after dealing with a recently unhanded bar patron. Thankfully, the man was now two-handed, but he was still upset.
"You know, in this case that may be a good thing."
"But me luuuuv him! You say that luuuuv will find way!"
Edwarde shuffled about nervously.
"Well, most of the time, that's true – but that still doesn't always make it a good idea."
The two of them were in the town's market, keeping an eye on Lomilyth. Flayer had retired to his room with his spoon. He said something about the sun being hard on his skin. At the moment, Lomilyth was negotiating the price on some wine.
"Who do you think you are? A highwayman? The least you could do is wear a mask and ride a horse!"
"Do you think I could get better prices?"
"I think you better lower this one or I'll kill you!"
Rugar looked alarmed.
"Should we stop him?"
"Nah, it's a merchant."
"Hmmmm…good point."
The merchant didn't look phased at all.
"Hey buddy, if you kill me, no more wine."
Lomilyth spat out a small sample.
"I'd be doing this dump of a town a favor."
"I was talking about the rest of the townspeople."
"I'm not afraid of any of them."
"I wasn't talking about one of them."
Lomilyth may have been crazy, but he wasn't stupid. Or at least not often.
"I'll give you 2 copper."
"If you make that 5 silver we have a deal."
"I'll make it 3 and you can keep your life."
"At least you know how to haggle."
As the three of them wandered around the market, Rugar hit upon an idea.
"Me knows! You could tell Lomilyth you luuuuv him!"
"Eh? What?"
"You not shy like Rugar! You tell Lomi!"
"But I don't love him!"
"Silly Lich! You tell Lomi have secret admiring for Rugar!"
"What if he kills me?"
"Ah…Rugar already think of that. You already dead."
Edwarde scratched his skull. He had to admit that it had the whole dead aspect covered.
"Please help Rugar for luuuuv!"
Edwarde opened his jaw and shut it. Rugar's eyes were so sincere, her expression so hopeful. Perhaps if he arranged things correctly, he could see to it that Rugar was let down gently…
"All…Alright. I'll do it."
"Thank you Edwarde!!"
Rugar swept the Lich up into a hug that lifted him off the ground.
"Hey! Put me down!"
Against all reason, Edwarde found that he enjoyed being hugged. Maybe it was that most people had run screaming from him for the last hundred or so years. Maybe it was simple contact with another life form (or contact with a life form at all, since Edwarde was dead).
Rugar smiled down at him so broadly that her large, yellow fangs could be seen and her green skin dimpled.
"Edwarde is Rugar's best friend! Rugar never have such good friend!"
Edwarde gazed back up at her worriedly. This was going to be tricky…
* * * * *
"I…ah…have something to tell you."
"If it's about that hand, I'm already mad at you for stealing it."
"I didn't steal it I gave it back to its owner!"
"Well, he gave it to me."
"No he didn't!"
"Yes he did, he said 'unhand me!' so I obliged him!"
Edwarde glared at the elf. It took a bit of doing, but he had managed a bit of "alone time" with Lomilyth. By way of inducement, the Lich had offered some wine. The two of them sat in a corner of the inn.
"But, as a point of fact, this is not about the damn hand."
"Yeah, then what is it about?"
Lomilyth gazed warily at him over his cup as he took of sip of the wine.
Edwarde hesitated. Now that it came down to it, he was reluctant to try and broach the subject. While having one's arm ripped off did not hold the same consequences for a Lich that it did for most others, getting the bits back together was rather annoying.
"There…there seems to be someone who is…who has their eye on you."
"Wha? You mean the cops? That's easy enough, just tell me who it is, I'll take the eye, problem solved."
Lomilyth giggled as he took another sip.
"The 'eyes' will have it. This 'eye' will do!"
The elf went on for a bit with his puns as Edwarde stared at him and wondered how to proceed.
"I meant 'eye on you' as in fancied, liked, felt attraction for."
"You mean some other guy who thinks I'm a girl? I got the answer for that right here:"
Lomilyth patted his axe, which had unaccountably materialized.
"No, this one is female."
Lomilyth paused.
"A chick? You mean I can grab a slice?"
"No, you can't chop them up!"
"No, I get me some nookie, indulge, screw, fuck!"
Edwarde's jaw dropped. As he rummaged about on the ground to find the errant bone, Lomilyth went on blathering.
"Wow! That was cool! If nothing's holding your bits together, why don't they fall apart?"
Edwarde reattached his jaw bone and glared at Lomilyth.
"Look punk, there's a very nice girl who likes you – I can't for the life of me…"
"I thought you were dead."
"…death of me figure out why. But she's a nice girl and you will also be nice…or else."
"Or else what?"
"I take it that you are refusing?"
Lomilyth noticed that there was a black bit of not-so-nice energy forming in one of Edwarde's skeletal hands. Lomilyth could have sworn that he was grinning.
"You're not fooling anyone – you're too much of a goody-goody to kill me."
"Oh, I'm not going to kill you…"
"On second thought maybe I'll try the whole kind and caring bit!"
Edwarde looked crestfallen.
"Right. So you're going to be nice."
"Nice."
"And not try to, you know, do the wild thing…"
Lomilyth looked at him without comprehension.
"…give in to your primal urges, try to consummate your relationship…"
Edwarde's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper.
"You know, have sex."
"YOU MEAN DON'T TRY TO FUCK HER RIGHT AWAY?"
Edwarde gritted his teeth.
"Yes."
"OK"
Lomilyth grinned insanely.
"So who is she?"
Edwarde took in the elf's twitching smile.
"She can introduce herself."
Lomilyth looked confused.
"So how am I supposed to know which girl is the one I'm not supposed to fuck?"
"Does that happen a lot?"
Lomilyth paused and looked depressed.
"No."
"So just be nice to any girl who talks to you for next day or so."
"OK!"
Just then Lomilyth said something else in a different sounding voice. The lich was watching him, so he knew that the words were coming from the same body. Otherwise, he wouldn't have believed it.
"But I'm just going to get down to it."
"What?"
"What? What?"
"What did you just say?"
"I didn't say anything."
"But I heard you…"
Edwarde was convinced that whoever he was talking to was being sincere. Then the lich had an "oh, he's squawking mad…" moment.
"Never mind."
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